I live in the part of the country where fall is a breathtaking display of change. The view out my window looks different every day as the trees change colors so boldly. I wonder if the trees resist the change or if resistance is a uniquely human condition. I imagine the trees willingly transform from green to vibrant reds, oranges, yellows. And eventually shed their leaves entirely and stand naked in the cold for the long winter season.
And I wonder what it would be like to embrace change this openly? To be willing to be exposed, knowing we’ll spring into full bloom in the next season. I suspect we’d find making change much easier, knowing that without fail, we would fully achieve our goals.
But the truth is we do resist change. Our resistance shows up in many forms as we try to make a personal change (or a change in a group). It might feel uncomfortable or anxious. We might outright refuse to do something. We might find fault or pass blame on those around us. Sometimes we resist through procrastination—we avoid doing the very things that would trigger change. And many times our resistance to a change or new way of doing things is so strong that we just quit and ‘accept’ the way things are today.
As a coach, I remind my clients that the existence of our natural resistance is not a STOP sign. This is something I also remind myself of every time I decide to try something new and notice how unsteady I start to feel. Resistance is our way of acknowledging that we are out of our comfort zone. In fact, I usually get pretty excited when I start to see moderate resistance in a client because I know that is the key signal that the client or team has finally started to really make some real shifts.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But it’s actually the kind of discomfort that tells us things are changing for the better. Like when you start exercising and the next day your muscles hurt. You know that they are strengthening because you stretched them beyond their comfort zone. If they didn’t feel a bit tender, you’d probably be disappointed and feel like your workout was a waste of time!
The bigger the change, the bigger the resistance.
If you are trying to completely redirect your career direction and find fulfillment and satisfaction, yet you have a job that is completely unfulfilling, that is a big change. And the closer you get to that breakthrough, the bigger the resistance. In the resistance, it feels like we are further away from our goals than we’ve ever been. But the truth is, we’re nearing our breakthrough point. The only way to get true momentum toward such a big goal is to stay the course and let the discomfort dissolve as you stretch and expand your comfort zone.
Now this is not true 100% of the time. Just like with the exercise example, there are some pains that signal danger or injury and to stay the course would be crazy. So if you are in pain, or the resistance feels more like panic or alarm, it’s time to stop and listen. But if it’s just achy muscles, or feeling like you’re ‘going out of your skin’, then that is actually a positive sign that you are on track.
My coaching challenge for you is this: what would it be like if you gave yourself permission to stay the course, continue on your change, even when—make that especially when—you felt uncomfortable and want to quit. We tend to check out, quit, or retreat into our comfort zone right at the most pivotal fork in the road.
What if you hung in there for just a bit longer? Make resistance your friend. Celebrate your ‘resistance’ as a milestone on your journey. Feel free to make minor modifications to soothe the discomfort (like you would put a heating pad on an achy muscle), but don’t give up. Not just yet!
I’m NOT saying that you strain and struggle to the point of harm. I am saying lean into your resistance just a little bit and see if it gives way. If it does, that momentum will propel you toward your goal faster than anything you’ve ever done.
Succeed Coaching and Development
20700 Civic Center Drive, Suite 170
Southfield, MI 48076
Phone:(877) 321-8390
Fax: (877) 321-8390
Email: clientcare@succeedcoaching.com
(c) 2006-2008 Shawn Driscoll, Succeed Coaching and Development, All rights reserved.
